Top Five Since I've Been Alive: The Movies of 1985

1985 was a year for big debuts.  Some of these debuts were impressive.  Mike Tyson made his professional boxing debut.  Wrestlemania debuted and gave every wrestling fan what they desperately wanted to see -- Mr. T. scowl his way to victory in the main event.  Of course, there were some less-than-impressive 1985 debuts.  The debut of New Coke comes to mind.  Thanks, Coca Cola, for taking the world-renowned formula of Coke and giving it the completely unnecessary revamp that you thought it needed.  Speaking of completely unnecessary, the Pogo Ball debuted in 1985.  I would love to meet the assholes who green-lit the Pogo Ball, a toy so difficult to tame, it gave pleasure to no child.  I think the Wild Wacky Action Bike from South Park would have been easier to ride than this fucking neon shit-ball.  Anyway, let us look at the movies of 1985 that I believe were best for getting us through our Coke Classic withdrawal.


5. Summer Rental

"You couldn't beat my dinghy."

If you are staring at the title of this movie and wondering just what the hell it is, then you need to get your ass on Netflix and add this little gem to your queue.  John Candy gets top billing in this movie as Jack Chester; a man who simply wants his family to enjoy a summer vacation.  Naturally, their simple summer vacation takes a few awkward and hilarious turns.  I won't ruin any of the plot for this movie, but I will tell you that Rip Torn rounds out the supporting cast as a rum-drinkin', eye patch-wearin', seafood restaurant owner.  Doesn't sound like much of a stretch for him, does it?  This movie was John Candy's first shot at a major starring role and I'll be damned if he didn't prove himself worthy here.  Candy showed a lot of versatility in this role and it was one of the rare times he had the opportunity to showcase his full range of acting skills.  If you still need convincing to go watch this movie, then consider that it was directed by Carl Reiner of The Jerk and The Man With Two Brains fame.


4. The Goonies

"If God made it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!"

As a kid, the only thing that I wanted as much as the Nickelodeon Super Toy Run was to uncover treasure on an adventure.  I'm pretty sure that anyone who saw The Goonies as a child can recall feeling exactly the same way.  When talking about the awesomeness of this movie, it is difficult to pick a place to start.  Some of the world's greatest child actors comprised the core of this film.  You may recognize some of these child stars now, like Josh Brolin and Sean Astin, because their acting success has carried into their adult lives.  The Goonies features what is easily Corey Feldman's greatest performance.  If I could have been bi-lingual when I was ten, I'm sure I would have used that power for mischief, too.  This movie is just too fun not to enjoy.  In fact, if you can honestly say that you don't enjoy watching this movie, then you're probably a soulless Communist.  On a side note, as a water park enthusiast, I would cream in my pants at the opportunity to ride on a Goonies-themed waterslide.


3. The Breakfast Club

"A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other.  She lays the poodle on the table.  The bartender says, 'I guess you won't be needing a drink.'  The naked lady says..."

The Breakfast Club, which is arguably John Hughes's greatest film, has reminded us for twenty-five years of the horrors the majority of us left behind in our teenage years.  Before 1985, I don't think a movie so accurately displayed the trouble within and between the social classes of high school.  Everyone remembers their place in the high school food chain and most of us remember the struggles that came in dealing with that place.  The movie-watching public resonated with the inward journey the characters took in this movie.  The comedy and the drama, blended so perfectly in this celluloid transfer, even closely resembles the traditional high school experience.  It comes as no surprise that even twenty-five years after its release, The Breakfast Club continues to find new audiences.


2. Back to the Future

"The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine out of a car, why not do it with some style?"

I don't think truer words have ever been spoken.  I have honestly seen this movie over a hundred times.  As a kid, I watched our VHS copy of this movie so many times that I nearly drove my mother to suicide.  It still remains as one of my favorites.  Back to the Future has a bad-ass soundtrack, prominently featuring Huey Lewis, that still gets stuck in my head.  The version of "Johnny B. Goode" that is played near the end of the film is a well-done cover that would make Chuck Berry proud.  Not only does this movie give us gratuitous Huey Lewis, but it also ensured that the DeLorian would never be erased from the annals of the auto industry.  Despite the awesome soundtrack and special effects, the thing that draws me back to this movie is the relationship between Marty (Michael J. Fox) and Doc (Christopher Lloyd).  The actors do a brilliant job of making two people from completely different backgrounds (upbringing, interests, age) seem like believable friends.  And as we see over the course of the series, not even the bounds of time can deter their friendship.


1. Fletch

"Hey!  I think our problems may just be solved.  Ed McMahon.  Think I just won a million bucks.  Yeah, Irwin M. Fletcher you choose.  Woo-wee!  Oh, boy... I lost.  Again.  Sorry."

Here it is, folks.  My favorite movie of 1985 and of all time.  Chevy Chase stars as Irwin M. Fletcher, an undercover L.A. newspaper reporter who has more identities at his disposal than he has fingers.  Fletch, as he''s referred to, gets himself into trouble as he investigates the underground drug smuggling scene in Los Angeles.  I could talk for hours about what I love in this movie and the reasons why you should see it, but I'm going to explain my love for this movie very simply.  The Fletch character is a hero to anybody who wishes that nothing could get under their skin.  Not only does he stare unflinchingly into the face of danger, but he pokes the bear in every situation with his unyielding arsenal of smart-ass quips.  His enlarged ego and confidence enable him to attract ladies far out of his league.  Chevy Chase is known for his quick wit and improvisational skills, and Michael Ritchie, the director of this film, allowed Chevy to play to his strengths.  For each take that was done the director's way, a second take was filmed to allow for Chevy's interpretation.  Because of this, Mr. Chase has often claimed that this is his favorite of his own films.  My sentiments exactly, Mr. Chase.

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