Top 25 South Park Episodes: Page 5 of 5

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Cartman (singing) - "I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus, I want to feel his salvation all on my face!"

5: Christian Rock Hard  (Season 7) - The four boys feel the pressures of creating music when they try to start their own band in "Christian Rock Hard."  Cartman splits from their band "Moop" when he is "inspired" to go in a different musical direction.  He then enlists the help of Token and Butters in his "holy quest" to earn a platinum album.  Before season seven, we had seen many instances of Cartman "preying" upon gullible Christians by using the word of the Lord.  While he isn't preaching in the conventional sense in this episode, he is still using the good name of Jesus to further his cause.  Naturally, he wants to find the shortest route to a platinum album, so he rewrites some of the world's best pop-ballads to include the good name of Jesus.  This is where the genius of the episode lies, as Cartman's songs sound as if he is serenading Jesus, as opposed to worshipping Him.  As Cartman is off in his band Faith + 1, the remaining members of Moop get arrested for illegally downloading music.  When the boys confess that they don't believe downloading music is a "big deal," they are then showed the massive effect that downloading has on pop and rock stars.  

     Cartman (While reporting the news) - "Is South Park Elementary about to explode from a methane gas leak??? More on that later!!! But first, Stan Marsh has a look at some new outfits for the Raisins girls!"

4: Quest For Ratings  (Season 8) - In this episode, Cartman, Stan, Kyle and friends have a little trouble keeping their school news reporting team "on the air."  Having the South Park boys report the news is an idea so simplistic and genius that I'm really surprised it took until season 8 to come up with it.  I love when the boys come to the conclusion that they need to sensationalize their reports in order to gain viewers.  What television news report doesn't try to convince you that your life may depend on their show?  The stand-out moment of this show is, without a doubt, the special investigative report on cough syrup abuse.  The South Park production team absolutely nailed the opening of the report with "Rick" Cartman.  It looked exactly like the investigative reports we had to watch in middle school.  I've run out of things to talk about, so...bail!  

Father Maxi - "You forgot what being a Catholic is all about; this book.  See...these are just stories.  Stories that are meant to guide people in the right direction.  Love your a good person...that's it!   People are losing faith because they don't see how what you've turned the religion into applies to them.  They've lost touch with any idea of any kind of religion.  And when they have no mythology to try and live their lives by...well...they just start spewing a bunch of crap out of their mouths."

3: Red Hot Catholic Love  (Season 6) - Before this episode, we saw many instances of Father Maxi acting rather heelish.  However, Father Maxi gets a chance to shine in "Red Hot Catholic Love" and prove that his moral compass isn't being held in proximity to a magnet.  In this episode, the world of Catholicism is crumbling due to "alter boy" scandals, causing the parents to turn to atheism.  Also, Cartman starts a trend when he discovers that it is possible to duke out of your mouth.  If you've never seen the episode before, it may be difficult to comprehend how these stories tie together in the last few scenes.  Near the end of the show, we see the parents sitting together in a living room, talking about why they love being atheist and occasionally pooing from their mouths.  At the same time in Vatican City, Father Maxi fails to convince the leaders of the Catholic church to allow their priest to marry women.  As he tears up the "Holy Doctrine of Vatican Law" that prohibits this, the church falls to the ground.  While being broadcast across the world, he begins an impassioned speech that not only brilliantly ties the stories together, but sums up the way Matt and Trey, and even I, feel about those who interpret the Bible as if it were a history book.  The crew of South Park have a knack for conjuring up creative ways to simplify action scenes in order to save time as well as be funny, i.e. the description of the battle scene from "Best Friends Forever."  That same type of ingenuity is on display here as Father Maxi's trek through the catacombs of St. Peter is visualized in the form of "Pitfall!," the Atari video game.

Cartman (To a picture of Helen Keller) - "Speak to me, Helen.  Let me be your voice.  Come on, you blind bitch!  Channel your spirit through me!"

2: Helen Keller: The Musical (Season 4) - In this episode, Timmy forms a bond with a turkey he can identify with as the entire third grade rehearses their unique production of "The Miracle Worker."  In order to make this list and write my article on South Park, I watched nearly every episode of the series almost a dozen times.    I can't quite explain how I feel about this episode.  When I initially made the list, this was near the bottom.  With each viewing, I moved it up a little more.  When I last viewed it, the genius of this episode finally dawned on me.  When Matt and Trey made this episode, they created some honest-to-God "Disney magic."  Timmy's relationship with "Gobbles" is probably one of the most heart-warming moments to come out of this show, if not all of television.  When Gobbles snuggles up to Timmy in his bed, I felt a real tug at my heart-string.   Despite the characters being fictional, that moment, their relationship felt genuine.   Even though this episode is not my all-time favorite, I do believe that it encapsulates the heart of the show.

Ms. Choksondik - "You think that sex is about fun and games and love? Wrong! Sex is about disease!"

1: Proper Condom Use  (Season 5) - Here it is folks: the mecca of South Park.  Nearly everything you could want in an SP episode can be found here; a boys vs. girls storyline, a good one-liner from Chef, vulgar humor, Mr. Mackey having sex, the list goes on and on.  The children get lessons gone horribly wrong in the touche subject of sexual education.  For decades now, the issue of when to give a child the "sex talk" has been hotly debated.  In most of the county, sex education is taught somewhere between grades four and six.  However, some parents, like those in South Park, believe that sex education needs to be taught earlier than fourth grade.  
    I personally remember much of the sex ed. I was taught.  From the generic video explaining "wet dreams," to finding out that our teachers knew less sex-slang than us, there have been very few times that I've laughed harder.  In sixth grade, I vividly remember having a woman come and mercilessly attack us with the dangers of STDs.  We even saw slides of the effects of these STDs.  Sound familiar, fans?  At one point, she explained that if a man pleasures himself while with a woman, and then takes the same hand and pleasures the woman with it, the woman can possibly get pregnant thanks to transferred seminal fluid.  As she said this, she vigorously fingered a glass model vagina.  In this moment, STDs were the least of my worries as I nearly laughed myself to death.  I had to turn sideways in my desk so that I could continue to breathe precious oxygen.  
    I tell you this story to exemplify just how dead-on this episode is.  I think that nearly every kid that went to grade school in this country in the last 20 years can identify with this episode in some way.  Matt and Trey seamlessly blended vulgarity with sharp, insightful, relatable comedy for 22 fluid minutes.  "Proper Condom Use" is the greatest example of why I am a South Park fan and why I will always be a fan.

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